Questions We're Legally Allowed To Answer

What am I actually buying?

A tail. About 32 inches (80cm) of dense, soft faux fur with a grippy handle at one end and a hidden velcro loop at the other. It's built for two jobs: swinging over your head to lose your mind, and wearing on your body like the animal you become on game day.

How do I wear it?

The velcro loop hides in the tip. Wrap it around your belt, a belt loop, a backpack strap, or your friend who isn't paying attention. It hangs like a real tail. Take it off, grab the handle, and it becomes a rally weapon.

Can I really hit my friends with it?

Yes. That's a feature. It's plush and soft with no hard parts, so a full-force victory smack lands like a pool noodle made of feelings. We do not recommend the face. We do not forbid the face. Use judgment.

What size should I get?

Small and Large. Small is great for kids and anyone who wants a lighter swing. Large is the full stadium experience. When in doubt, go Large — nobody has ever wished their tail were shorter.

How do I wash it?

Spot clean with cold water and mild soap, then air dry. Do not put your tail in the dryer. It has been through enough.

Are you affiliated with my team or the league?

No. Emphatically, legally, no. We use team colors and cities because those aren't ownable, and we invent our own logos, league, and slogans because those are. If it feels like your team, that's the point. If a lawyer asks, it's a coincidence. See The Fine Print.

My team isn't here yet. When?

We're rolling out all 32 as we build and photograph each one. Cincinnati is first because the founder is, regrettably, emotionally invested. Want yours next? Tell us — demand moves the line.

Shipping & returns?

Ships from the US. If your tail arrives defective or not as described, we'll make it right. If you simply swung it too hard and regret nothing, that's not a defect, that's a lifestyle.